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Congress Says, “Sequestration For Others, Not For Us!”
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WASHINGTON – In case there was any doubt, The US House of Representatives and The US Senate serve themselves above all others. This week, owing to the fact that they all have to fly, Congress acted with a remarkable level of cohesion to correct the part of the sequestration that actually affected them. Even though [...]
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Marathon Bombing Coverage Marathon
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BOSTON – Strange how the major cable news outlets refer to their treatment of the tragedy here as the “Marathon Bombing Coverage” when really, it has become the “Bombing Coverage Marathon.” With approximately ten minutes of new news per day, and twenty-four hours of news coverage, we wind up with twenty-three hours and fifty minutes [...]
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Banana Republican Senators: Spineless Douchebags
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WASHINGTON – In a move designed to show just how completely disdainful of the American people politicians can be, Banana Republicans today filibustered a background-check bill. Yes, even in the midst of intense lobbying by victims of gun violence, and with ninety percent of Americans supporting the measure, Banana Republicans displayed a level of cowardice [...]
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Second Inauguration
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 We are in good hands. For Four More Years.
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NRA Celebrates Killing Of Children, Demands That All Teachers And First-Graders Start Packing Heat
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WASHINGTON – In a press Conference here today, NRA CEO, Executive Vice President, and foaming-at-the-mouth rabid Gun-Nut, Wayne “Kill ‘Em All” LaPierre, announced that what happened last week in Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown Connecticut was entirely the fault of the teachers and first-graders who were slain. He expressed his outrage that parents would [...]
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WORLD ENDS
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 The Mayans were right. The world has ended!
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BONER Just Can’t Get It Up
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WASHINGTON – Delusional, teary-eyed Oompa Loompa, John BONER, still doesn’t understand how elections work. Athough his side was trounced in November, he still thinks he has the same leverage as he did back then. He threatened loudly yesterday to pass his “Plan B” which pandered to the very wealthy with drastic punishment for the middle [...]
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Can’t We All Just… Get Off His Lawn?
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WASHINGTON – Banana Republicans exhumed and reanimated the guy who lost to President Barack Obama. Not the loser from last week, the original, YAWN MCLAME! Apparently opposing the forthcoming nomination of United Nations Ambassador, Susan Rice, to Secretary of State is going to require some petulant fist shaking and incoherent ranting. And, for those, he [...]
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Soulless Party Conducts Soul Search
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The Banana Republicans lost on election day, 2012. They lost big. Now the question naturally being asked by conservatives is “why?” After the initial shock, the denial, the ridiculous claims of massive voter fraud, the GOP is now searching everywhere for an answer. They want to blame voter turnout; they want to blame their candidate [...]
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HELLZ YEAH! FOUR MORE YEARS!
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CHICAGO – We did it. Again.
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