By HSRE Brain - 3/4/01
There are those who are quick to criticize President MORON as lacking basic
cerebral functions, and although true, I look at him in a more understanding
manner. President MORON is simply a victim of his times, indeed, merely a
man who grew up during the golden age of television. If blame is to be
found, it can be clearly placed at the doorsteps of the satanic halls of
Hollywood. One need look no further than to that comedic model of
incompetence, McHale's Navy, to understand President MORON's direction so far
as commander-in chief. As demonstrated today, the MORON-IN-CHIEF presented
Nancy Reagan with a 49th wedding anniversary gift by naming the Navy's new $4
billion aircraft carrier the "U.S.S. Ronald Reagan." Though it may appear that
President MORON is as brain dead as the 40th president, he is simply unclear
on the concept that naval ships are christened to commemorate the deceased,
just as Ensign Parker would be.
Indeed, the dedication of the RR is but the tip of the iceberg so far. As
further compelling evidence of McMORON'S Navy, President MORON was also
asleep at the helm when a Japanese fishing boat was sunk by a U.S. attack
submarine on a joyride with 16 friends of President MORON. Eight of these millionaires
hail from the Lone Star state and two were at key control stations when the
sub surfaced. A spokesman for McMORON'S Navy stated that it is routine to
allow guests to experience the thrill of a rapid ascent, or "emergency blow,"
while holding the steering wheel. Wouldn't Lt. Cdr. Quinton McHale have
concocted a similar scheme? Coincindence? I think NOT.
DID I MENTION THAT I'M ANGRY?
And how about those US Navy attack fighters who were ordered to bomb Iraq in
February? Turns out the precision-guided weapons used hit less than half of
their targets. Reason given by McMORON'S Navy? "Uh, it was really windy".
Sounds like Captain Binghamton to me....
MUST SEE TV - Don't forget to catch the all new episodes of McMORON's Navy!
Episode IV - "DESERT DEAD AIM" McMORON's Navy finally hits a target they
were aiming at. Unfortunately for McMORON, an FA-18 Hornet 'accidentally'
drops a 500 lb bomb on his own cadets in Kuwait!
Episode V - "WANG WEI McMORON" A barrel of laughs are in store as
Commander-in-Chief McMORON and General COLON squirm to clear up their latest
snafu when the Chinese capture American airmen and strip a naval spy plane
faster than a BMW on a moonless night in East LA.
Episode VI "WADDLE WE DO NEXT?" Catch all the fun when McMORON's Navy
attempts to cover their own sorry asses for ordering the harum-scarum
'emergency blow' which killed nine Japanese fishing students in Episode II,
by refusing to court-martial the half-wit skipper of the submarine USS
Greeneville, Cmdr. Scott Waddle.
Episode VII - "VIVA LAS VIEQUES" Don't miss the latest hilarity when
McMORON's Navy practices bombing Puerto Rico while celebrity protestors are
hauled off in chains and stay tuned to find out if Pope John Paul II joins in
this battle royal.
Episode VIII - "DUMB & DUMBER" Don't be lost at sea when President McMORON
welcomes fresh kill to McMORON's Navy. Watch as he continues his pathetic
'C-student' self deprecation while stumbling through the commencement
ceremony at the McMORON Naval Academy in Annapolis, MD, and hugs the only
cadet he can relate to, the academy's "anchor" student with the lowest
graduating GPA.
Episode IX -"ADIOS LAS VIEQUES" In this sequel to Episode VII, McMORON's Navy
is told that it must stop using the tiny Puerto Rican island as a practice
range by 2003. Watch the fireworks fly as McMORON's Navy begins 24-7 bombing
in an all out effort to obliterate the island and try to hold back your
laughter as Donald "Duck" Rumsfeld blames the loss of the practice field on
former President Clinton, who had the nerve to allow the Puerto Rican
citizens to decide for themselves whether they wanted the carnage to stop or
continue.
Episode X - " POOP DECK BLUES" The big laughs are on Amerker as The DICK
Cheney holds extravagant Banana Republican fund raisers with his friends in
the energy business at his Naval Observatory residence in Wash. D.C. while
McMORON's Navy is left footing the $186,000.00 electrical bill!
Episode XI - "ALL WASHED UP ASHORE" The lovable crew of the nuclear sub
USS Greeneville returns to duty after repairs are completed following
their joy ride incident in episode two, only to immediately run aground
while trying to enter Saipan.
Episode XII - "OGDEN SMASHED" No one is ever quite safe when the
flagship of McMoron's Navy, the USS Greeneville, takes to the high
seas. This week, the nuclear sub joins the 'War on Terra' and promptly
rams the USS Ogden, an amphibious transport ship in the Persian Gulf.
It's non-stop laughter when Rear Admiral Stufflebeam tries to tell reporters
that he doesn't have the foggiest clue what happened.
Episode XIII - "YO HO HO & A BOTTLE OF RUM" Captain Kidd meets the
Philadelphia Experiment in this special two-hour season finale directed
by James Cameron that sees the McMORON's Navy crew of the USNS Walter S.
Diehl mysteriously time travel back to the Barbary Coast and take on
small wooden ships with modern day firepower. Its a laugh a minute when
the crew takes an early 19th century shore leave in exciting Marrakesh
that leads to an unbelievable season ending cliffhanger!
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