by HSRE Brain
I was recently approached by a friend, lets call him Louis, who sensed my anger and frustration at the thought of President Moron, and he suggested that I put aside my malevolent feelings and give THE MORON a fair shake before throwing myself into the Pit of Despoliation. I paused for a minute and then indeed requested advance reservations for the POD. You see, President Moron's first task of bidness when he moves to Wharshington will be teachin us how to speak and write like Ivy League gradurates like hisself. The "New Moronica" will be doin away with all those difficult meanins of words and syntax of speech, (see "Bushisms", this site) as it is apparently based upon the last book THE MORON readed, the Adventures of Tom Sawyer. As a result, we will be droppin the suffix "ing" and replacin it with "in" as in "cheatin", "lyin", and "fixin thangs".
Further steps will be takin by THE MORON to assure that phrases such as "going to" and "yes" will be supplanted by the ever popular "gonna" and "U-bet". The preposition "an" will be replaced with "a" as in "a insurance policy", which THE MORON recently used at a press conference announcin Cabinet members, and "a economic policy" (THE MORON on 1/3/01). Equal abysmally is THE MORON's randomly use of the suffix "ly", placin it here and losin it thar.
What upsets me even more, DID I MENTION THAT I'M ANGRY?, is the position taken by the press to spell check THE MORON's absolute want of the English language, supplyin the "g" to "ing", addin an "ly" when its needed, and fixin the "n" to "an", effectly makin THE MORON appear litrate. It makes me think bout all dem moneys ma po prents spended on edecation, which THE MORON will now be returned to me in the form of a tax cut, cause it din't learn me how to speak or thank presidentially.
See, itsa already workin. It ain't not so bad afta all. So I thought agin bout what ma freeand Lewis said and inda sprit of are new MORON, Ah will write down xactly what THE MORON sez and howa he sezes it, unlike dat libral press. U-bet Ah will thro out mah spell checkers and gramma books gist like THE MORON did and will be speakin an writin in dis new langage of dees Amerkin peeple. Cuz shucks, we shood all jest trah ta git along and respeck DA MORON, da one wit da fanger on da trigga of all dem nukuler boms.